What to Do When Your Dad Can't Remember Sh*t

Love, dementia

In his final days, my beautiful dad shows a quiet excitement for the Next Adventure.

Beauties,

When he starts asking you the same questions over and over again, love him.
When he stops calling you by your name, love him.
When he forgets your name, love him.
When he falls, goes to the hospital, and scares the shit out of everyone, love him.
When you know he will never again answer the phone and greet you with “Tatyanechka”, love him.
When you hate him for getting old, love him.
When he insists on continuing to drive, love him.
When he forgets how to properly set the table, love him. (And laugh.)

When his one good eye fills up with blood blisters, and he can’t remember the city in which he lives, love him.
When he loses his sight, love him.
When he becomes too much for your mother, love him.
When he goes into the adult family home, love him.
When he can’t remember his own name, love him.
When he gets frustrated that dinner hasn’t been planned for the guests that aren’t arriving, love him.
When he calls himself a little girl, love him.
When you look at photos of him in his younger, muscle-ier physique, holding you as a little girl, love him.
When he becomes bedridden, love him.
When he stops talking, love him.
When you see your mom’s loneliness at being left alone in the house they once shared, love him.
When you visit him at the home, and his eyes are red-rimmed and his forearms are swollen and he looks too icky for a photograph, love him.
Even when the sadness feels like a tsunami swallowing up every spare energy particle, love him.
When the nurse calls to tell you it could be days or a week, love him.
When you FaceTime him and he looks sublime and peaceful; when his lips are no longer trying to whistle, his sideburns are a bit wild, and his nose is beautiful and expressive, love him.
Just love him/her/them, the best way you know how. Whatever you’re going through, no matter how lonely or hard, I love you. XO

If someone in your life is entering an end-of-life phase and you want to talk about it, reach out. Tatyana@everydaycreative.net. This isn’t my field of expertise, but I think we don’t talk about end of life in a beautiful even playful way and all the experiences we can have while tending to others and ourselves during this tender time. XO

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